I don't understand why?

One of the main reasons that I moved to Terrace bay was to get to know my father better. We went along time without speaking when I was a teen. My Father drove a transport truck for a living and was not home very much. needless to says we never got together from the time I was 16 until about 18. Alot of tings have happened since then that have brought us together. My step-mother Passed away suddenly a few years ago. The following spring my Step-brother lost a long battle with cancer. These two things changed the dynamic between my father and i profoundly. I let go of the anger i had harbored for so long about growing up without him around. I know alot of people have to grow up without a parent but for a teen-age boy it is hard not having someone tell you the decisions you are making will affect you for life. My mother was the only one who was there to do that for me.
I am married and have a new born son. I don't Know why my dad exactly left( everyone's story is different) but i do know that I couldn't leave my son. ever. I think that sometimes people just get fed up and decide that there is nothing left to fight for, but i don't understand why?

hymning and hawing

well my wife and I have decided that we don't like northern ontaro as much as we thought. Well let me rephrase that; We like northern ontario, it is stunningly beautiful. the shore of lake superior always draws my stare as i ride my bike to work. The rock that seems to just thrust itself out from the mossy earth is really amazing. the fresh air and the bird song are so foreign to me.
I grew up in a city with a population of 200,000, the town i live in now has about 1,200 people. Dont get me wrong i love this place, it's just hard to make a living here. There are about 800 people here that are on EI. that means that any good jobs that open up are attacked feverishly. i wonder what we are going to do when my wife's maternity leave runs out. our in come will drop by 50%. and life is only getting more and more costly. My son needs clothes I need clothes and so does my wife. I own my home and think that i am going to be stuck with it for a while. that means that i will have to pay the power and property tax on it. I think that for the sake of my family i have to try to move and if i own a house that i don't live in then i guess thats the way the cookie crumbles. hmmmmm

random things i can appreciate.

1. Stopping on the way to work to see the sun light up Lake superior.
2. smelling the rain hours before it comes.
3. my son always smile when i ask him where he hid my keys.
4.trying to make my house look better.
5. phone calls from friends.

Ahh Sunday

today is sunday. all day! i have untill noon to do what i want then my wife goes to work. then i do what my son wants to do. lately chris wants to jump in his bouncer and scream with joy. sundays rule

sixty five years ago today

Image via Wikipedia

Sixty-five years ago today the allied nation lauched the largest amphibious invasion in history to fight tyranny and oppression in Europe. I care about this very deeply. I have a strange family. My great-grandfather (on my mothers side) fought his way through Italy and along with scores of other men it was eventually "liberated from Nazi control. My dads Father was in the Luftwaffe he was a Fallscrimjager(paratrooper) Opa was in an elite unit called the greendevils. Opa also fought in Italy. He was wounded badly at the battle of Monte Cassino( shot in the face and both legs) every family has stories like this and hopefully nobody ever forgets. I wont.

where does it go?

I am going to attempt staining the deck on my house, I say attempt because my wife is working and i am a stay at home dad on the weekend. My son is to young to help so i have to get a sitter so i can do work outside. luckily for me, my son is pretty cute so my sister will watch him for free. i am looking forward to working on the deck. I like to be outside and enjoy the colony of redpoll finches that live in the greenspace behind my house. there are a few other species that i cant identify but i enjoy hearing them sing their ageless sogs of love to each other. the back yard is a pain in the ass for me. I spend four hours every day walking behind a lawnmower as i cut the greens at work. the last thing i want to do when i get home is take care of a yard but i have a compulsion to have the greenest yad in the world. I wonder if it is a reflection of time spent watching my old yard in regina slowly get destroyed by my dogs or if i am just getting old? theother day i saw a commercial about thinning grass that was like a hair club for men ad. it was very clever but scarily accurate. i have all te tendecies of a fourty year old man, well except for the attaction to girls have my age(shiver). I worry what people think about my grass ad my shingles. what are they saying about the weeds in my driveway. then i remember that i am not from here so no matter what i do i will always be an outsider. i might as well have moved to kazakstan the reception would have been just as friendly......peole in small town that have never lived anywhere else develope what i like to refer to as " town syndrome". I overheard a woman at the golf course saying that this summer the clubhouse would be better because there is people from "here" running it. It makes me wonder what happens to these peole when they are forced to move to another place? do they eat crow? do they feel my pain? or do the residents of the new place sense their "town syndrome" and accept them as one of their own? My high school had more people in it than terrace bay. and i couldn't stand high school. I think i need to start planning a move back to familliar skies and eyes

i have just quit my facebook account. it feels kind of weird not to know what the guy i sat beside in grade six thinks are his five most favorite action movies are but i am surviving. I try to think back to what i used to do with my spare time before facebook and i remember doing home renovations and generally getting things done. i wonder what the inefficiency level of our society has to do with the economic decline. take the whole GM bankruptcy crap. I remember seeing a news story about the production of cars a few yeas ago and it showed the "line" where they are produced. there were four guys standing there putting on tires. a machine held the tires and another machine tightened the bolts. all the people did was guide the bolt machine in place. why was there four of them? how much did they get paid? was there not a robot that could do this job?. no wonder they went bankrupt. the car dealership here in town knocked 10,000 dollars off the price of a pontiac minivan. how bad were we getting screwed before?